This post is for you…
If you’re the one many people lean on.
The one who loves big but gets drained.
The one who wants to honor your parents and family without destroying your life in the process.
This is for the adult child who wants to do the right thing…
You want to honor your parents and protect your family.
But when they refuse to listen?
When they deflect instead of reflect?
When they load you up with their responsibilities like it’s your job to carry?
That might be a sign to slow down, pull back, and ask yourself:
👉🏽 Is this family duty — or family manipulation?
👀 Imagine this…
An adult child sends a respectful message to a parent.
Clear. Direct. Loving. Responsible.
The parent reads it.
And instead of acknowledging any of it, the parent sidesteps.
Brings up something totally different. 🤯
BECAUSE…
🚩 This parent isn’t listening to their adult child.
🚩 But wants their adult child to listen to them.
💔 When It’s NOT a Conversation Anymore…
There are moments where you realize you’re not having a conversation anymore.
It’s like you’re giving CPR to something that’s not breathing on its own.
In other words…
You’re ready to do the work.
They’re not.
And when that happens?
Silence might be the best next move.
⚠️ Because repeating yourself won’t always make the message land.
UNCOMMON WISDOM ⬇️⬇️⬇️
Sometimes repeating yourself just gives people more fuel to guilt-trip you or twist your words.
Talking to People Who Don’t Want to Listen…
They act like they do — but they just want to be heard.
And as long as you say what they like? It’s fine.
But the moment you rock the boat? 💥 Chaos.
So, what do you do?
❤️🔥 Walk in Love and Limits
What you’re building — for yourself and your children — matters.
And what you pass down should move your family forward, not back.
Something you need to hear: Finances should trickle down to generations and not funnel back up from adult children to parents.
Especially when you’re trying to get your own house in order first.
That means you’ve gotta walk in love and limits.
At this point, you might be thinking about your own family situations—what you should have done. Spend less time feeling guilty for what you didn’t do in the past. Instead, forgive yourself and make the decisions you need to make now.
Growing Up, You Might’ve Heard…
Family takes care of family… 🤔🤔
But when that means:
- You’re always expected to foot the bill…
- Dip into your emergency fund…
- Co-sign on loans you’re NOT ready to own…
- Or be the backup plan for people who never plan…
That’s not help.
That’s harm.
It’s harmful to you and the family member because it keeps you all in a toxic cycle.
AND it can stop you from passing down more blessings.
Hear Me Clearly:
✅ You can love people with limits.
✅ You can say no and still honor your family.
✅ You can stop explaining yourself to people who only hear what they want to hear.
That doesn’t make you a bad person — or a bad child.
⚠️ In Other Words…
You’re not doing too much by finally deciding it’s time to do less.
❌ The guilt trips are tiring.
❌ The emotional yo-yos are exhausting.
❌ The constant emergencies are costly.
And the Hardest Part?
The people asking for help won’t even call it what it is—an undue burden.
🤔 They call it love.
🤔 They call it ‘family takes care of family.’
They quote scriptures:
👉🏽 ‘Honor your father and mother…’ (Exodus 20:12, Deuteronomy 5:16, Ephesians 6:1-3)
But skip the part that says:
👉🏽 A good person leaves an inheritance for their children’s children… (Proverbs 13:22a)
That feels like the hardest part.
Them trying to gaslight you and guilt you into thinking you’re responsible for their choices.
And literally expecting you to step in to clean up what they could’ve prepared for–but didn’t.
😶 Using Guilt to Get What They Want…
If someone is saying this to motivate your decisions:
❌ You owe me this.
❌ I raised you, so now it’s your turn.
❌ God sent you as my destiny helper.
❌ What kind of child lets their parents struggle?
Here’s the quiet truth…
🚩 They’re likely not really asking for help.
🚩 They’re avoiding responsibility.
And you?!
You’re the backup plan.
Or the only plan.
The one who’s supposed to fix everything — no matter the cost. 😶
But think about this…
If you give away everything, you’ll have nothing left to build your own future.
Here’s What You Can Control
1️⃣ Protect Your Future 🛠️
- Build an emergency fund — even if you build slow.
- Set rules ahead of time — like ‘I don’t co-sign. Period.’
- Write down your legacy goals and make decisions that protect them.
2️⃣ Offer Support, Not Rescue ❤️
- Say: Let’s look at affordable options you can pay.
- Say: I’ll help you make the call—but paying is on you.
- Say: I want to see you secure. But I can’t save you.
3️⃣ Don’t Repeat Yourself 🤐
When you’ve already said the truth…
AND they don’t hear it? Say less.
📌 Trying to force your parents or family to grow is frustrating.
📌 Let them feel the full weight of your words—in the silence that follows.
Because sometimes…
📌 The loudest truth you can give someone is SILENCE.
Final Word: Legacy Starts NOW
Maybe your parent or other family member didn’t plan.
Maybe they expect you to be the plan.
But guess what?
✅ You’re allowed to change the story.
✅ You’re allowed to say, ‘It stops here.’
✅ You’re NOT the villain for breaking a cycle.
✅ You’re NOT wrong for wanting to build a future that looks different from your past.
🙏🏾 Let’s Pray…
God, help me to love with wisdom.
Give me courage to say no when it’s best.
Give me grace to build something that blesses generations.
Help me to walk in love and limits so I can leave something better behind for others.
And Lord, please heal what’s missing in my family—In Jesus’ name. Amen.
👋🏽 Hi, I’m LOLA ⸻ the creator of offbeat life advice brand, The Smoking Prophet, owner of a growing content agency, and cultivator of life (family first)!
Most days, you can find me at my desk, in my garden, or on the go. My super-social family keeps me on my toes!
Follow The Smoking Prophet to ignite your creativity, grow spiritually, and blaze your own trail online!
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