Signs That You’re Helping the Wrong People

Where generous people go wrong.

Helping the wrong people does more harm than good.

Not to mention, helping the wrong people backfires often. 

This blog explains why helping the wrong people is toxic.

It also exposes red flags to help you avoid helping the wrong people.

This blog can help you guard your heart and your generosity!

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Helping the wrong people leads to massive disappointment.

🚧 It’s a waste of time.

🚧 It’s a waste of energy.

🚧 It’s a waste of focus.

Helping the wrong people is demoralizing, extremely frustrating, and means you’ve said no to something more meaningful. Or someone you could genuinely help.

Trigger Warning: if your child transitioned, please continue with caution.

Creative pain is oddly satisfying.

I’m a mom. 

I know the joy of life growing inside of me. 

The kicks. 

The tickles. 

I also know the pain that comes with it—feeling my bones shift. 

Or the baby moving into a position that hurts me but makes them comfy. 

Someone can relate to what I’m about to say next. 

While carrying one of my children, I couldn’t even lay down to sleep. 

I sat in a chair, day and night. I was miserable. The pain was the worst. 

But giving birth to my baby made it all worth it. 

So much so that I got pregnant again. 

✨✨✨

Here’s my point. Creativity costs.

When we expend energy, we are creating something. 

That something is a satisfying outcome.

And that satisfying outcome usually comes through a painful process.

It’s a creative pain, like giving birth.

Helping the wrong people works against you. 

Helping the wrong people costs you — a creative pain — that brings no satisfying outcome.

You get pregnant. Carry the baby for nine months—have contractions—and start going into labor. Your body begins to dilate. Your womb begins to open —to create a passageway for new life to enter this world. 

It’s painful. Feeling your womb open is incredibly painful. 

Please sit with that for a moment. 

Then, after all of that, you realize you gave birth to nothing. 

Nothing came from your labor. 

The hard work was for nothing. 

What you gave was for nothing. 

What you lost was for nothing. 

Those sleepless nights mean nothing. 

Nobody wants to go through all of that for nothing.

But unfortunately, helping the wrong people is like going through all of that for nothing.

You do the work and get nothing in return. That’s toxic.

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Some may argue with me on this.

They may tell you no good deed goes unnoticed.

They may say you gained experience.

They may say you learned, so it wasn’t a total loss.

But let’s go back to my opening statement…

Helping the wrong people does more harm than good.

I repeat — it does more harm than good.

Nobody wants to labor and NOT give birth to anything.

Can you agree to that?

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Experience tells you what NOT to do.

Learning from your past should help you avoid repeating your mistakes in the future.

If you have a pattern of helping the wrong people, what did you gain from your experience? Better yet, try this exercise. Make a list of your gains and losses.

Helping them is holding you back.

Helping the wrong people is holding you back. Please sit with that for a moment.

How did that make you feel? Use what you feel to change things (for the better).

For more, listen to Episode 122 of The Smoking Prophet Podcast

Red flags that someone is NOT ready for my generosity.

I’m sharing my red flags to help you discover your red flags.

Mistakes are incredibly demoralizing to anyone starting anything new.

So newbies, please read and take heed.

9 Red Flags Someone Is Not Ready for Your Generosity

📌They have a history of attitude and NOT gratitude. Do they say thanks? 

📌They have a history of taking without giving. Do they only call when they need something?

📌They want you to do all the work. Do they work with you or just make work harder for you? Read that again slowly.

📌They sing your praises when you do what they want and ignore you when you don’t. How is their attitude when you say no?

📌They ask for your advice but never take notes or record what you say. Do they even value what you say? 

📌They continually come to you for guidance but rarely follow your advice. Again, do they even value what you say? 

📌They no call and no show. Meaning they set up meetings, don’t keep them, or cancel properly. On top of that, they neglect to follow up or apologize. 

📌They pop up with questions in your inbox, via comments, emails, calls, or in-person —but refuse to set up a paid meeting with you. 

📌They set up virtual meetings with you during times when they’re at work, eating, driving, or preoccupied. Or they come to a meeting unprepared or doing offtopic things. Are they even taking your meeting seriously?

What to do now.

Again, these are my red flags.

They let me know someone may NOT be ready for my generosity!

They help me recognize when people aren’t ready to work with me, get help from me, or that we need to discuss some expectations.

I shared my red flags to help you see yours.

If this blog helped you see your red flags, please share it with a friend!

If you found yourself in ANY of these red flags, (1) apologize OR (2) just do better.

Doing better is the best thing you can do to make it up to yourself and the person who tried to help you.

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