Last year, I did a Periscope broadcast on how to gently “curve” someone. Well, you may ask what’s that?! Essentially the curve is saying no or declining an offer/advance. After Part I & Part II of my “Polite Curve” video, a fellow broadcaster, LWJMusic, shared an experience that gave me new insight into “the curve.”
He recounted a story of “the curve” used on a fellow musician. This person’s inability to manage time was a problem and frankly intolerable. The musician was released from his job with this curve…”I think it’s time you explore other career opportunities.”
At that moment I had an epiphany. This was the Nathan-David curve. Not only that, I realized the curve is a way of being tactful with others, which is a spin of what Jesus taught His disciples:
“Therefore be wise as serpents and harmless as doves.”
Matthew 10:16b Modern English Version (MEV)
THE NATHAN-DAVID CURVE
THE STORY.
King David saw Bathsheba, a beautiful and a very, married woman, bathing on the rooftop. Moved with passion, he pursued and impregnated her. David, trying to cover his tracks, plotted to bring her husband home using a military leave as an excuse. David hoped the married couple would “come together” and Uriah would presume he impregnated her. It didn’t work. Uriah was so dedicated in his role he refused to go home to His wife, opting twice to sleep at the entrance of David’s house with others.
David still attempting to avoid exposure eventually set Uriah up to be killed in battle. 😳😳😳
Uriah was faithful in his service to the king and in return was murdered for it. He died in battle and David went on to marry his widow (2 Samuel 11:1-27). I suppose David figured he was in the clear 👌👌👌👌, but our deeds most certainly find us out (Numbers 32:23).
THE SETUP.
Nathan the prophet shared this story with king David…
A man travelled into the town of a rich and a poor man. The rich man possessed vast resources, while the poor man didn’t. The poor man had his home, family, and the basics, with the exception of a lamb that had grown up with his family.
The traveller stopped at the rich man’s house, where he was warmly welcomed and invited to dinner. The rich man made “dinner plans” to accomodate the traveler, but instead of taking something from his own “pantry,” he went to the poor man’s house for dinner. 🤔🤔🤔
Even more appalling the rich man took the poor man’s lamb. The lamb he’d raised with his children, let drink from his cup, that slept in his arms and was like a daughter to him. (2 Samuel 12:1-4) The rich man took the poor guy’s only lamb without a second thought.
Upon hearing this, David immediately became enraged. He couldn’t believe the audacity of this guy! WHY would the one who had it all take the other’s only sheep and not his own – after all, the rich man had plenty! King David roared out that man must die and be made to pay back 4x’s for what he’s done! (2 Samuel 12:5-6)
THE CURVE.
At that moment Nathan said the man is you! (2 Samuel 12:7) After revealing this the prophet continued to share God’s heart with him…David I gave you all Israel and Judah if this wasn’t enough I would have given you more. David immediately regretted his decision, openly confessed his unsavory behavior and quickly apologized (2 Samuel 12:13).
Nathan “slayed” David with the curve, but only through skill (i.e. wisdom) and gentleness. David essentially and indirectly pronounced his own judgment, bringing his defenses down and making him much more receptive to the correction of the Lord.
A servant of the Lord must not quarrel but must be kind to everyone, be able to teach, and be patient with difficult people. Gently instruct those who oppose the truth. Perhaps God will change those people’s hearts, and they will learn the truth. Then they will come to their senses and escape from the devil’s trap. For they have been held captive by him to do whatever he wants.
2 Timothy 2:24-26 Modern English Version (MEV)
COMMUNICATION SKILLS ARE ESSENTIAL
Images and brands matter (Proverbs 22:1). When I first started working in the financial industry, I had much to learn. I came to realize what I was, what I wasn’t, and how to improve.
Although I was naturally polite, I didn’t have any skill when delivering difficult news. My ability to address and descalate emotionally charged matters was poor 👎👎👎.
YOUR MESSAGE IS AS EFFECTIVE AS THE PACKAGE IT COMES IN.
In my role my accomplishments were overshadowed by my flaws. I needed to improve my soft-skills, especially with emotionally charged matters and in disagreements.
YOU’RE ONLY AS STRONG AS YOUR GREATEST WEAKNESS.
Initially, I would just roll over people’s feelings and expect them to accept my help because I had the solution or the right answer. It made my conversations more difficult, longer and created a negative experience for all involved.
One major point of error I’d make that would immediately agitate others is saying what I couldn’t do for them. I always tried to address every statement and respond truthfully to ALL requests. My leader at the time quickly identified and corrected this error, teaching me to tell my customers what I could do instead of what I couldn’t.
WISDOM WILL NOT ONLY TEACH YOU HOW TO RESPOND, BUT WHAT TO RESPOND TO AND WHAT TO PASS OVER.
My failings opened my eyes to be more sensitive to the needs and emotions of others. I became successful by learning to address emotional matters before moving to business. This meant I had to slow down, actually learn to listen, and display interest in the concerns of others no matter how valid I thought it was.
Even now I use these skills and even now I am still learning new ones. Sometimes I immediately identify areas of opportunity in others, but I recognize (1) blurting it out without God’s consent is a sign of my own immaturity, this also causes God to entrust me with less because He doesn’t want others damaged by my actions (2) I’m more impactful and have a higher likelihood of helping others by flipping what I see or giving it a positive spin. For example, I ask God to allow me to see His intended purposes and the positive side of the negative things I see.
TAKE A MOMENT TO CONSIDER HOW YOU ARE PRESENTING YOUR PACKAGE TO OTHERS.
Meredith Farmer/Flickr
- Does your package draw others to you?
- Do your words open the ears of men?
- Are they almost as if magnetically drawn to listen?
- Or on the contrary do your words and tone push people away?
- Finally, does your message make them want to cover their ears?
BE A CONVERSATION STARTER. Build rapport with others, it earns their trust. Without trust people will not listen or respond to you!
MAY YOUR WORDS ALWAYS ADD VALUE. Even in dealing with tough issues take notes from Nathan, you will acquire the skill to do this!
BE GENTLE. BUILD PEOPLE UP. DON’T TEAR THEM DOWN. Review how Christ addressed the 7 Churches in the book of Revelation and take notes from Him (Ephesus, Smyrna, Pergamum, Thyatira, Sardis, Philadelphia, and Laodicea – Revelation 2-3)
You will see He primarily addressed their faults by encouraging them first. Remember, we all grow with love and care.
0 Comments