In this post, I use the words dating and courting interchangeably, however, there is a difference and I’ll be writing about that soon! ENJOY!
For those of you that don’t know I’m single, unmarried, bae-less, or whatever you prefer to call it. In the past, when questioned about my relationship status I’ve presumptuously been asked if I was bitter, as if that were the only way I could be happy alone and also told, “don’t stop believing,” like the basis for my decision spurred from my alleged disbelief over love being possible.
Neither of these factors could be further from the truth. In both situations, I quickly corrected each asinine assumption by letting the uninformed parties know that I wasn’t bitter, instead, I was truly content and the fact that I was waiting was evidence that I believed in love. Who waits for something that doesn’t exist?
More recently, I began to entertain the possibility of entering into a partnership again only to find myself stuck at one impasse, but before I get into that please allow me to give you a bit of background…
Previously, my dating life was inconsistently consistent, meaning I had maintained one pattern and one pattern only, which was having no type. I held the liberty to choose from older men to younger men to men my age, to different racial groups, then from Americans to foreigners – including guys from Bosnia, Russia, Somalia, and Israel, to corn-fed bamas and slick city boys, the polished and the unpolished, the accomplished and the not so much, to guys that struggled a bit with grammar and those that intimidated me a little with their intelligence. Through it all, I was inconsistently consistent and kept my options open.
Yet as I grow in wisdom, I realize the more I move into my destiny the more crucial all of my decisions become. Matters that I wouldn’t have given a second thought to in the past, I now take more seriously, because I know my choices create a ripple effect that exists longer than my feelings.
Though this truth would never persuade me to avoid someone based on their background or ethnicity it does lead me to consider how much age gaps really matter in relationships.
Don’t be ruled by your emotions, rule your emotions with the Holy Spirit and nothing else.
If your thinking is controlled by your sinful self, there is spiritual death. But if your thinking is controlled by the Spirit, there is life and peace.
Romans 8:6 Easy-to-Read Version
Before now, I never really questioned “dating down” or being courted by a younger man. I’d only ever really intentionally considered being with someone my own age or older, but still held no reservations about being with someone younger. I have said I wouldn’t allow myself to be pursued by anyone that was more than 10 years my senior, because of the dramatic changes people seem to undergo in their 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, and so on. Yet, as the reality of a relationship becomes more real so does my need to have a solid answer.
Naturally, I engaged in some research, by soliciting insight from those I know personally, reading a few articles online, and even starting a conversation on social media.
My Online Reading
A lot of what I read, offered the standard pros and cons from the experienced and/or the informed, while a larger portion boasted in the benefits of women dating down because of the young male libido – I was not entertained. However, I did find a sweet surprise in one! It shared the story of a young woman who met her husband, eight years her junior and married him eight months later. Read here.
A Woman of Wisdom
I took advantage of some quiet time with an eighty-something-year-old woman I greatly respect. While alone with her, I brazenly asked what she thought about women dating younger men. She quickly expressed her disapproval in a loving manner, saying that generally, those men appreciate the experience and security an older woman brings, but overall they don’t stay around. If she ever dated up, it would have been by no more than 10 years.
Social Media
On my very public Facebook page, I asked:
How do you feel about women dating younger men? How do you feel about men dating younger women? How much of an age difference would cause you to even consider this?
I received a pretty mixed response, which you can read here. All in all, many agreed both sexes could comfortably date down by no more than five years.
Still, for me, each response only lead to more questions, except a few that hosted a common theme and lead me to the resolution I’ll conclude with.
In searching for an answer I’ve found that there is no perfect answer or guide to follow. I’ve found it’s way more complicated for me to try to figure this out on my own and way easier for me to just allow the One who created me to do it. One question leads to another question and one solution presents another problem. It’s all way too complex and I just need to cut it. What I will do is live without superficial restrictions and limitations when it comes to love.
So surprise, if you were looking for an answer I don’t have one, other than to point you to the Answer. Other than to point you to the One who can provide you with a personalized solution, crafted to suit your needs and yours desires. The One who can and will graciously give you the perfect answer for you, because He is a part of you and you have been intricately woven in Him!
Shout out to the Father, from whom all blessings (and answers *winks*) flow…
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