Lovers of Your Own Kind
Homophily, meaning love of the same or sameness, is based on a social theory that supports the adage, bird of a feather flock together. Socially, people create patterns of connectedness exhibited through friendships, relationships, tribes, and squads. [1] These bonds are generated through and based on sociodemographic, behavioral and intrapersonal characteristics that you probably don’t even really notice.
Status homophily includes similarities based on informal, formal or ascribed status, such as race, sex, or religion. Value homophily links itself within our social networks through shared attitudes, views, and beliefs. Status homophily opens the door for initial bonds, and further reinforcement of these ties develop through value homophily. [2]
My curiosity for this subject came while reading The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter–And How to Make the Most of Them Now by clinical psychologist Meg Jay, Ph.D. Before introducing the reality of societies incestuous cliques, Dr. Meg Jay shares research by social scientist Mark Granovetter on “The Strength of Weak Ties,” which reveals the untapped value present in the people we don’t necessarily know that well.
The Strength of the Weak Ties
You can find examples of weak ties or more insecure connections in some work relationships, with acquaintances, neighbors you rarely talk to, or “any other associations who have not been promoted to close friends.” [3]
We hold on tightly to stronger connections, which is great because it fosters a sense of belonging for us and can create healthy affinities with particular people, but it can also put us at a disadvantage. The information you share and receive, as well as the people you know and introduce, are defined by localization. Although new information and people may be introduced into your life, your networks mainly recycle information and connections. Inadvertently, we nurture and restrict ourselves through the “love of the same.”
So why does this matter and why don’t we reach out to weak ties more? I’ll answer with a statement from the book:
“Weak ties feel too different or, in some cases, literally too far away to be close friends. But that’s the point. Because they’re not just figures in an already ingrown cluster, weak ties give us access to something fresh. They know things and people that we don’t know. Information and opportunity spread farther and faster through weak ties than through close friends because weak ties have fewer overlapping contacts. Weak ties are like bridges you cannot see all the way across, so there is no telling where they might lead.” [4]
How fascinating is that? Even more encouraging to know, is that a weak tie helped to get this book published, but you’ll have to read it to get that story. You should heavily consider buying the book. In the meantime, I’ll share an example of a weak tie with you from history, specifically the Bible.
The Weak Tie That Proved Strong
Joseph grew up in a house full of siblings, 12 to be exact. Ten older brothers, a sister, and one younger brother. I wish I could say that Joseph was loved by all, but truthfully his older brothers hated him (Genesis 37:4). In a jealous fit, his brothers dismissed the natural instinct people usually possess to protect their own as they plotted to kill Joseph. Thankfully, Joseph wasn’t murdered, at least not physically, instead, his brothers sold him as a slave and he ended up in Egypt working in the home of a man named Potiphar.
Joseph was a man of intense integrity, but Potiphar’s wife was not. She tried to hook up with him, relentlessly, but Joseph always refused her advances. After continually throwing herself at Joseph, to no avail, she screamed rape.
Falsely accused Joseph faced imprisonment. In prison, the very gift that caused his brothers to resent him all the more helped him. Joseph, skilled in the art of dreams, interpreted and revealed the cryptic messages behind two of the prisoner’s night parables. These two, however, weren’t your average convicts, they were the Pharaoh’s former chief cupbearer (butler) and his chief baker (chef).
Joseph met a weak tie (the cupbearer) that would prove strong and later secure his influence over thousands of people, including the king. How? Keep reading…
The cupbearer’s dream presented a favorable interpretation, and in three days what Joseph prognosticated occurred. The cupbearer was released from prison but forgot to mention Joseph’s distinct ability to the king of Egypt, as requested. Two years later, the Pharaoh was troubled by a night parable of his own (a dream), and suddenly the cupbearer remembered his prison experience.
Finally, the king’s chief cup-bearer spoke up. “Today I have been reminded of my failure,” he told Pharaoh. “Some time ago, you were angry with the chief baker and me, and you imprisoned us in the palace of the captain of the guard. One night the chief baker and I each had a dream, and each dream had its own meaning. There was a young Hebrew man with us in the prison who was a slave of the captain of the guard. We told him our dreams, and he told us what each of our dreams meant. And everything happened just as he had predicted. I was restored to my position as cup-bearer, and the chief baker was executed and impaled on a pole.”
In one moment and through one word, Joseph’s life changed. The Pharaoh summoned him from prison to interpret that very dream, and Joseph accurately gave its meaning. And not just that, Joseph provided the Pharaoh with a solution. A solution to what you ask? You should read the story, but I will share this for your immediate understanding.
Warning Dreams
There are various categories of dreams given to man, and this particular one acted as a warning. Warning dreams come to us in the interests of interruption or as some sort of intervention. Warnings, signs, and harbingers each seek to draw our attention to a problem, but not just for the sake of knowing. Warning dreams come to interrupt the future. Joseph knew what the Pharoah’s dream meant, but more impressing Joseph had a strategy to resolve the dilemma the Pharoah was faced with.
Naturally, the Pharoah was impressed and seizing the opportunity, he created a position for Joseph. Joseph was appointed second in command to the Pharaoh and ruled Egypt under him (Genesis 41:40).
Joseph, unjustly sold into slavery by his brothers, imprisoned for acting morally, and forgotten about by someone that should have done him a solid [a favor], made an impact through a weak tie that forever changed his world. This connection changed Joseph’s life, the life of an entire nation, and multiple people groups. [5]
So, as you’re navigating life connections, remember:
Look for value in every connection you make – great or small! It’s great to have a tribe to call your own, but don’t let the comfort of your circle negate the unforeseen value in those that are outside of your clique. Going further, analyze the relationships you’ve overlooked, neglected to maintain and have seen no benefit with, for potential.
Creating, Constructing, and Implementing Solutions Increases Your Value. People are known throughout history for resolving problems and consistently demonstrating their abilities. This pumps equity into your brand. Do this and jobs will be created for you.
Live Life Proactively, Not Ambitiously. You cannot create your own favor or promotion, but you can position yourself it. God gives both favor and promotion in His perfect timing. See Purpose and Ambition for more.
Commit to Connecting With Someone Outside of Your Circle. Enjoy the connections of your kind (with those that are like you) and intentionally stimulate bonds with those that aren’t. Remember, it’s not always about who you know, it’s about who you don’t know too.
References
- “Homophily.” American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fifth Edition. 2011. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company 7 Jun. 2017 www.thefreedictionary.com/homophily
- McPherson, Miller; Smith-Lovin, Lynn; Cook, James M. Birds of a Feather: Homophily in Social Networks. Annual Review of Sociology, vol. 27:415-444, 2001, doi.org/10.1146/annurev.soc.27.1.415. Accessed 7 June 2017.
- Jay, Meg, Ph.D. The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter and How to Make the Most of Them Now. New York: Twelve, 2013. 20. Print.
- Jay, Meg, Ph.D. The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter and How to Make the Most of Them Now. New York: Twelve, 2013. 20-21. Print.
- Not only did the people of Egypt faced starvation due to the famine the Pharaoh dreamed about and Joseph planned for, but Joseph’s Hebrew family did too. Joseph was reunited with his family as a result of their trek into Egypt in search for food. Read Joseph’s story in Genesis 37-50.
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